Combating stress: yes
you can!
10 tips from Gilly, executive coach
Learn to say NO
It's a biological truth: saying yes to absolutely everything will
send your stress levels even higher. So learn to differentiate
between what you rally want to say yes to, and what you're saying
yes to when what you really mean… is no.
To truly say yes to the things we want, we need to say no to
others. This includes people. In your personal or professional
life, be aware of your needs and your limits; refuse to take on
extra responsibilities even though you know you could do them.
Taking on more than you can handle will create internal resentment
for having said yes when you meant no, which is also a sure recipe
for stress.
Avoid people who stress you
out
If there's someone that consistently causes you stress and you have
not had the opportunity to turn the relationship around yet,
curtail the time you spend with this person, or consider ending the
relationship completely.
Notice your energy drains and
energy igniters
Pay attention to how the company of specific people makes you feel.
You'll soon notice that some people have the capacity to seriously
drain your energy. With others, it's the exact opposite: something
about them ignites your creativity, your curiosity, your
playfulness. Be aware of who does which and steer clear of the
energy drainers when you are feeling tense, tired, sad, or just
plain low.
Differentiate the should's from
the musts
Analyse how you allocate your time. Take a step back to do
this, almost like an aerial observer. What does your typical
schedule look like? What about your responsibilities and tasks?
Drop tasks that aren't absolutely necessary to the low priority
pile, outsource as many of them as possible or even eliminate them
entirely.
Ask for support
Like delegating more tasks! And also getting into the habit of
turning to others when you…. just don't know! It's remarkable how
many people find asking for help difficult, yet it is such an
essential skill, especially in positions of leadership. You'll be
surprised at the number of people who are thrilled to help you.
Easy and stress-free all around.
Check in with
yourself
So much of the busy-ness you create for yourself comes from default
behaviour patterns and default choices that have you convinced that
this is the way it is. Even saying meek things in your own defence
such as: "I can't help it, I just have to." And before you know it,
you're flying at 200km/h. However, just because you're going flat
out doesn't mean you're getting anywhere. So it's worth pausing,
even in the midst of a stressful day, to ask yourself: what am I
doing this for? What is my intent? What will I gain here? Does this
really need to happen now, or even this week? You'll be surprised
at your capacity to make things far more demanding for yourself
than they need be. And even being tenacious and defensive about it.
The saying "if it's the wrong hole you gotta' stop digging"
captures this well.
Stop criticizing
This sounds easier said than done but it is by far one of the
simplest and possibly most powerful habits we can adopt to flush
negative stress from our lives.
When criticizing we literally breed negativity in ourselves that
quickly morphs into resentment, anger and stress. Instead of
focusing on all that is not working, start looking past that at
what's going right. Take a minute-several times a day!-to
acknowledge what you are grateful for. This practice that will
improve the positivity to negativity ratio in your day and you will
be the more relaxed for it. Not to mention more attractive and fun
to be around!
Articulate what's going
on
If someone or something is bothering you, get into the habit
communicating your concerns in an open, respectful, non-aggressive
way. Find a way to do this with an open heart versus a warring
heart and you will be met with equal openness and receptive
listening. Come at it like a warrior and you will aggravate those
around you, causing more collective stress in your environment. And
that includes you too! Not voicing your feelings or disagreements
increases your internal resentment. Not only will the situation
remain exactly the same, but your stress levels will increase
too!
Do something you enjoy every
day
Make time for small activities that bring you joy or even just a
smile: a phone call to a friend you miss, a wander through the
bookstore, a massage or a class at the gym! Not treating yourself
to simple treats-everyday!-will make you grumpy, resentful and
eventually stressed too. Finding a way to factor in those simple
things that give you a lift is essential. Especially as no one else
can do that for you. So treat yourself nicely for goodness' sake.
As indulgent, "selfish" or futile as these treats may seem to
others, it matters not. And while you're at it, avoid judging these
special treats yourself or deeming them silly-they're not.
Be honest with
yourself
Obvious as this may sound, there are still a scary number of people
who continue to kid themselves and just avoid honest dialogue. With
others and especially with themselves. Ask yourself: what it is I
really want? Are the actions, choices, decisions I am making truly
serving my goals? Or am I, perhaps, way too much time and energy on
things that are not furthering my goals? Stress creeps up when we
live and work in a way that doesn't align with our deepest wants
and wishes. It's worth taking the time to explore whether this is
the case for you, in order to start making some course adjustments.
Sooner rather than later.
